Missing In Action

Hey my beautiful friends and bloggers! I'm sorry I've been missing in action. My husband and I just made a big, stressful move! Here is a picture of one of the first things we did in our new state. We went to see Death Cab for Cutie. And I'm so excited because I was able to sit through a concert! I did have to bring a pillow and get up and move around a lot, but that is a huge accomplishment for me, considering how high my pain levels can be. Yeah! It was a huge blessing. A year ago I would never have seen myself going to a concert--I was just too sick.

One of the songs they played at the concert was a song my husband and I listened to on our first date. We have been through a lot of stress, and I'm grateful to look back and see how far we've come since that first date of ours. Since there's a high rate of divorce among individuals with chronic illness, here's a post on how to fight right and not let the stress of chronic illness ruin your marriage. Some of this is from my psych studies, some from religious leaders, and some from learning to make a marriage work with chronic illness in the pic. Not an easy task! Only for the strongest and the bravest of us for sure...

1. Delegate. What can your family and friends help with that will ease the burden on your spouse?

2. Choose your battles. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the most important), what number is your concern? If it's not an 8,9, or 10 then let it go.

3. Fight Right. Disagreements are okay and healthy in a marriage. Contention isn't okay. If a discussion gets heated, step back. Get space between you and your spouse for a half hour. While you're taking some space, put yourself in his/her shoes.

4. A family that prays together, stays together.

5. Use scheduled time each week to evaluate your marriage. Set goals, and kindly express expectations. Make sure you keep these sessions brief and that you use "I" statements. For example: "I feel sad when you..."

6. Always be honest. Keep your commitments. Write them down if you need to.

7. Keep the lines of communication open. I can't stress this one enough. Instead of stewing about something, open up a discussion about it.

8. Have one night a week where no serious matters are discussed. Just have fun. If you have kids, have someone watch them. You could call it your 'date night.'

9. Get away.

10. Allow each other time to grow in the relationship. What is, is. Be at peace in the present. Focus on that little sparkle until it shines! (Gordon B. Hinckley)

My husband and I saw the movie Fireproof recently. Check it out! It discusses the difficulties in marriage and suggests some ways to show love to your spouse and strengthen your relationship. Although it doesn't specifically address chronic illness, the lessons it provides will be helpful for all those working to better their relationships.

Am I of Worth?

Here is the link to an article I wrote. It's published in the Ensign Magazine. If you are feeling really inadequate because you are too sick to do much of anything, this article is a good reminder that you are of worth. I know that our Heavenly Father loves us, even if we are, at times, too sick to do much of anything. He understands.
http://alturl.com/rqpg

Help! I'm stressed!

I was up last night in a lot of pain, so I got up this morning pretty STRESSED out. I'm making great improvements in my pain levels. But when the pain comes back, I hate it, so I freak out. So here's my de-stress routine. Everyone is different, so make your own list to get you through stressful and/or painful days!  And post a comment, letting me know what works for you!

1. Have an anti-stress smoothie.

1/2 ripe banana

1 cup frozen raspberries or blueberries or both

1/2 TBS honey or agave nectar (Sweeteners that are better for you than sugar)

1 cup spinach (Yes spinach. You can't even taste it at all. You're kids won't even know they're drinking a vegetable)

1/2 cup milk (If you're worried about an IC pain flare take prelief and aloe before you drink the smoothie)

2. Listen to music, breathe deep, do yoga, dance, or take a walk. (If you suffer from chronic pain make sure that you exercise, but that it is always gentle.)

3. Help someone--it always helps me de-stress.  My cousin's little girl is only 10 and she is going to have her 3rd open heart surgery. Talk about stress! You can register to run a 5k to help her. For more information, go here.

4. Try chamomile and peppermint herbal tea.  Both are really relaxing. (I like the Twinings brand because they are gluten-free.)

5. Create something. Don't try to make it perfect or it might stress you out more. Enjoy the task more than the end result. Martha Stewart just came out with an Encyclopedia of Crafts.

I don't usually love her stuff but there are some really classy, simple ideas in the book. Also you can get ideas by going to Etsy and looking around.

6. Blog of course! Or I love reading a good book.

7. Create a safe space. Surround yourself with people that support and uplift you. If someone stresses you out, they are not allowed in your healing space. Most chronic patients have enough deal with already so you have every right to remove people from your life that add to your pain.

8. Get away. If funds are tight, you can get away to a hotel across town. With the recession, you can stay in a nice hotel for $50 using priceline.com. This is good advice when, like my sister who has triplets, there is no time or space to do the things on this list! Sometimes you have to leave the kids, or work, or doctor's appointments behind and go away to de-stress!

4 Years!

When I first met my husband, I was really sick. I felt like I was drowning. Doctors were having difficulty diagnosing my illness, I weighed only 90 lbs, and I was literally wasting away. I had the thought, though, that I would find someone who would save me from 'drowning' and love and support me through the pain. Without sounding too contrived or cheesy, Benjamin is that person. When we first started dating, I was scared to tell him I was really sick. But when I finally got up the courage to tell him the details of what I was dealing with, his immediate response was "Well then I'll take care of you." This week was our 4 year anniversary! Yeah! I don't want to gush too much (it embarrasses him) but I feel like he deserves lots of applause!

Our early years of marriage have been far from normal. Benjamin has spent most of his 20's as my caretaker. I’ve always been a very independent person so it hasn’t been easy for me, but I am so grateful for him. When I’ve questioned my worth or when others sometimes would look at me with misunderstanding, Benjamin has reassured me and told me I was amazing. He is unfailingly supportive. He's sacrificed so much for me and for our marriage. He's given up awesome well paying jobs that he loves, to go work retail with a Master's degree, so that we can have good health benefits. He works long hours to support our family. He put his schooling on hold and moved with me to a place where I could get better care. He is the most loving, selfless, patient, hard working, and amazing person I know. I feel blessed he chose to marry me!

Let me share a quote that has helped strengthen both me and Benjamin. Elder Orson F. Whitney wrote: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God..."(quoted in Improvement Era Mar. 1966, 211).

Finding Balance

On the subject of balance...

I recently had a debate with a friend. He assumed that because I'm taking supplements and going to an acupuncturist that my doctor uses only alternative medicine and treatments that haven't actually been scientifically proven. It made me evaluate what I have been communicating on my blog. I have found a group of doctors that implement research-proven treatments. As patients, we have to be very careful about what advice we take and what treatments we get. I always research and get a second opinion before I follow someone's advice.

There needs to be a balance in medicine. Sometimes patients can get disillusioned with western medicine. In response to that disillusionment they can go too much in the opposite direction. I have been to websites and blogs where traditional medicine is denounced, extreme health practices are supported, and where all balance in life is sacrificed for unbalanced cures and treatments. Medicine, diet, physical therapy, supplements, herbs, acupuncture, surgery, research, and prayer are all helping me with my pain. IF I tried too much of only one of these things I wouldn't find success. Extremes aren't healthy.

Balance in everything is essential to finding relief and happiness in life. Too much of one thing isn't healthy for us. If someone recommends that you only eat green veggies or only drink liquids, think twice before you follow. Be careful about following sites on the internet that have lots of testimonials and no outside research to support their claims.

Balance Rocks! You are wonderful and can find help and balance for your ills. Now go sign up for your optimism email. You'll feel better. Good stuff is happening!

Sick Around America

Frontline did an amazing show this week entitled "Sick Around America." It's about our nation's failing health care system. You can access it here.

Funny, interesting, and true...

Regaining hope

I'm starting to regain hope. The last few years have been difficult, but our wonderful family and friends, thankfully, have shown me and my husband incredible support. Things were pretty bleak, having little money, sometimes being out of work, struggling with illness, etc. I'm relatively good at finding the silver lining among the crap, but there were times when the negatives seemed to overwhelmingly outweigh the positives. So my hope stayed, but it was challenged like it's never been challenged before. Now, as things finally start to fall into place, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and answers to my prayers are coming, I'm trying to regain hope. I'm trying to remind myself, that things will be okay. But it's difficult--I'm scared of returning to the bleakness. But thankfully I'm slowly regaining hope, and with hope comes faith that gives me power to go forward with confidence and an assurance.

As many of you, with this recession and the burden of illness, are on the brink of a possibly difficult future, just remember there is hope. Replace fear with hope and it can fill you and carry you.

For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us...But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it. (Romans 8:18, 25)

Forget the guilt!

So this is my new year's resolution: Forget the guilt! I made a lot of mistakes last year. All this healthy eating, exercising, and managing illness stuff isn't easy. So, I'm getting rid of the guilt and moving forward in 2009 with no regrets and no guilt! Yeah!

I am seriously getting burnt out on all this bettering-myself and caring-for-myself stuff. Don't worry; I'm not abandoning everything that I've been working so hard to do to maintain a life with less pain. And yes, I will faithfully continue to write all the wisdom I'm gleaning from my research and real life experiences. I'm just taking a moment to chill and be grateful. I just talked to my best friend on the phone and we realized that life can sometimes suck the fun out of you. My chronic illnesses definitely demand a lot of my time and tons of my energy, which can, in turn, leave me depleted and suck the personality right out of me. And now that I'm kicking my chronic illnesses to the curb, fun Em is back and excited to be alive. I'm making new year's resolution to eat dark chocolate and watch lots of awesomely-pointless movies! Happy New Year everyone!

Time to celebrate!

Yeah! I have really good news! At one point I was so ill that I weighed a horrible 89lbs. I have worked very hard over the past few years to put back on all the weight that I lost, and now I'm finally back to my normal body weight. My husband reminded me that it's time to celebrate because I'm healthier! So I'm celebrating! I think I'll go eat some Rice Dream Ice Cream and gluten free cookies! :)

Chronic illness can be overwhelming when it comes to loving yourself just the way you are. It's important to be happy with the skin you're in! Take care of yourself and realize you're beautiful. Focus on your good attributes and become involved in something low-key that you're passionate about!

Check out the film Real Women Have Curves. It's a great movie with America Ferrera about embracing our flaws and recognizing how being unique is beautiful.

How you do feel about the popular trend in the media that you must be a certain size to be considered beautiful? How do feel about societal pressure to be a certain cookie-cutter look in order to be considered pretty? Feel free to comment!

Chronic pain awareness

In The Doctors' Guide to Chronic Pain, it explains what happens when someone is in chronic pain. The more you understand about why your body is in pain, the better you will be able to treat it.

When pain obeys the rules, it follows an understandable pattern--you hurt, you heal, and the pain goes away. So why does pain sometimes continue taking its tortuous toll beyond its usefulness as a response to injury? The answers (to the extent they're known) lie in the brain and nervous system...The nervous system, it turns out, is not just a static conduit for relaying signals--it is an actively changing participant in the pain process. While pain generally starts with a physical cause, when it persists it can cause peripheral nerve fibers at the site of the injury to become more sensitive so that even the slightest touch can feel excruciating, a condition know as allodynia.

Also, think of the way you react when pain first strikes. You flinch, you cringe, you guard the injury by tightening your muscles. These are normal reactions and may not produce any lasting harm in the short term, but over time they can kick off a process that leads to more pain. For a example, tightening your neck and shoulder muscles in response to a migraine headache may cause pain in those areas that persists...all of which can be aggravated by pain-related loss of sleep.

As pain persists, it can cause changes or damage to the nervous system itself, a concept known as plasticity, which scientists are only beginning to understand. In addition to nerve cells becoming hypersensitive, unremitting pain appears able to:
-Make damaged nerve fibers fire spontaneously and intensely, often producing a burning sensation similar to electric shock.
-Reorganize connections between nerve fibers so new connections are formed to produce pain that otherwise wouldn't have existed.
-Change the chemistry of pain processing so that endorphins are prevented from dialing back the volume on pain, perhaps due to a genetic deficiency.

Understanding that such changes take place--and gaining insights into how they work--is a major advance in pain medicine that points the way to potential new treatments. (p. 28-31)

A New Year (we hope) of Change

Here is an excerpt from a great article in this month's Vogue magazine. By posting this I'm not taking a particular political stance. I know that people are imperfect, but I'm hoping this will be an important beginning for our country. We need to all pull together in support of humanity and progress.

This month, President Obama embarks on as tough a term of office as possibly any president before him, save perhaps FDR and Abraham Lincoln...But we at Vogue...have always believed in and celebrated the American genius for adaptation and self-renewal. In particular, we have always valued those who share our view of change: It is not a matter of enforcing one's will on others but of inspiring others to follow. Change is about making choices, but choosing change for the good is an expression of our humanity. We recognize in our new president an actual rather than a notional compassion, an impressive and unapologetic intelligence, and the self-assurance of a natural leader. We will, of course, duly discover his limitations, and in the years to come we will no doubt argue with his judgment. But we are all entitled to beginnings and their excitements; and at this hard beginning America may, and indeed must, look to its new leader with a smile...Onward and upward. --The Editors