Wrestling with the Angel (Image: The Wrestling of Jacob and the Angel by Chagall)

In Rachel Naomi Rehem's book, a national bestseller, My Grandfather's Blessings, she recounts the beautiful story of Jacob wrestling with an angel as her grandfather once told it.

Sometimes a wound is the place where we encounter life for the first time, where we come to know its power and its ways. Wounded, we may find a wisdom that will enable us to live better than any knowledge and glimpse a view of ourselves and of life that is both true and unexpected. Almost the last story my grandfather told me was about a man called Jacob who had been attacked in the night as he slept alone by the bank of a river...He awakened to find himself gripped by muscular arms...It was so dark that he could not see his enemy, but he could feel his power. Gathering all his strength, he began to struggle to be free.

'Jacob was a very strong man, but even using all of his strength he could not free himself..." "How long did they struggle, Grandpa?" I asked with some anxiety. 'A long, long time...' he replied, 'but the darkness does not last forever. Eventually it was dawn and as the light came, Jacob saw that he had been wrestling with an angel...Jacob's leg was hurt in the struggle. Before the angel left, he touched [Jacob] on the place where he was hurt...He touched it to remind Jacob of it. Jacob carried it all the rest of his life. It was a place of remembering.' Looking back on it, I have wondered if my grandfather..had not left me with this story as a compass. How tempting...to put the struggle behind you as quickly as possible and get on with your life. Life might be easier then but far less genuine. Perhaps the wisdom lies in engaging the life you have been given as fully and courageously as possible and not letting go until you find the unknown blessing that is in everything." (p.25-27)

This quiz will save you from getting sicker, and help you age slowly...

Answer these questions from the book The Anti-Inflammation Zone by Dr. Barry Sears to see you if have internal silent inflammation:

Are you overweight?
Are you always craving carbohydrates?
Are you constantly hungry?
Are you tired, especially after exercise?
Are your fingernails brittle?
Is your hair limp with little texture?
Do you sleep excessively?
Are you groggy upon waking?
Do you have a lack of mental concentration?
Do you lack a sense of well-being?
Do you have headaches?
Are you constantly fatigued?
Do you have dry skin?
(The Anti Inflammation Zone, p. 34, by Dr. Barry Sears author of the New York Times bestseller The Zone)

Dr. Sears writes that "if you answered yes to more than 3 questions, you probably have elevated levels of silent inflammation." (p.35) Silent inflammation can go undetected for years and manifest itself later in life as chronic illnesses like Alzheimer's disease and early aging. It's important that you listen to what your body is trying to tell you. Silent inflammation can also contribute to depression. Be mindful of signs that your body is under distress, and take the time to care for it.

Sometimes I was too busy to listen to what my symptoms were trying to tell me. If you have screaming pain, you already know you have inflammation. Inflammation is what causes pain, so if you nurse the inflammation, you will help calm the pain. In order to combat the inflammation, Dr. Sears recommends taking fish oil, exercising regularly (but not excessively), and reducing stress. He also suggests extra-virgin olive oil, ginger, and Aloe Vera (p. 91-92).

My doctor also says it's important to pinpoint possible food intolerances. Recent studies also show that if you avoid using too many strong cleaning chemicals, you can reduce inflammation. Using more natural beauty products--rather than products with a lot of chemicals--can help you reduce inflammation. Check back for future posts on more ways to calm internal inflammation.

"By reversing silent inflammation you will: think better, look better, feel better...help prevent heart disease and stroke, help ward off cancer, help reverse type 2 diabetes, help prevent neurological disease (Alzheimer's, depression, attention deficit disorder, Parkinson's), help reduce autoimmune disease (rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, multiple sclerosis), help reduce screaming pain (fibromyalgia, migraines, chronic pain, arthritis, and so on). But most important, you begin to control your own future."

Dr. Barry Sears The Anti Inflammation Zone p.8-9

Healthy food

The best advice I ever heard about eating healthy is this...

Try to eat mostly plants and as close to their natural state as possible.
(O magazine, October 2008)

If that sounds incredibly lame to you, trust me! As you add more of those gross veggies into your life, little by little you'll convert! Vegetables are more nutritious when they haven't been cooked or processed. And if everyone followed this advice we'd all be a lot healthier and happier. We'd look better and live longer.

On personal note...

I remember vividly the day my worst pain flareups began. It was the day of my sister's wedding. I was already struggling to heal and manage a really strict, allergen-free diet. I'd dealt patiently with months of vomiting, tons of weight loss, fatigue, brain fog, clumsiness, and a lot of side effects (just to name a few things). But the day of my sister's wedding, the pain was off the charts! At the time, I didn't realize that horrible pain would become a permanent fixture in my life. I wished I could be rushed to the emergency room, where the doctors could fix whatever was causing me pain, and I'd be cured in a few hours of surgery. Some days I wished I had cancer or diabetes, because at least then people would know and understand my sickness. But that's not my story. Instead I got a invisible chronic illness with a name that people haven't heard before. I did have several expensive surgeries, but no cure, just worsened pain. I got a disease that takes many doctors visits and that requires constant maintenance.

With all this lameness, I continue to count myself as incredibly lucky. I am blessed because I have an incredible husband who helps me get through all this crap. He carries me through the difficult days. When I was vomiting a lot, he would hold my hair back and comfort me as I threw up for hours on end. When I wake up in the night in pain, he holds my hand and asks if I'm okay. I married the most amazing person I've ever met in my entire life. I aspire daily to have more of the traits that my husband embodies. And I'm super grateful he puts up with me! I don't deserve him! He is continually sacrificing to help me. He could write his own blog on how to care for a chronically ill spouse!

Credit Crunch

Here are some quick tips on how to improve your credit (and feel free to comment with any additional tips):

1. Don't apply for a lot of credit cards or loans. The inquiries will hurt your credit score.

2. Make sure you have credit cards or loans in your own name. You need your own line of good credit. You can't depend on using your spouse's. That way, you have a double safety net. If either of your credit gets damaged, at least the other one has good credit.

3. Don't charge a lot to your credit cards. If the limit is $2000, then only charge $200 to the card. If you have a small amount charged to your cards and high credit limits, it will increase your score.

4. Don't be late on payments ever!

Thank you friends and bloggers!

Thank you for all your supportive posts, comments, and emails! They help to strengthen me, especially when the pain is at its worst! Thank you to all of you who posted my link on your blogs so others can link here. And thanks to all of you who put really nice posts on your own blogs to support my efforts here. I couldn't survive without your help!

Bittersweet Pain

The other day I started to make a list of all the things that I'm thankful for. The list included pears. How many of us would even think to list pears as one of the great gifts in our life??? Four years ago, before my illness, if I made the same gratitude list, I wouldn't have listed pears. Now living a very restricted diet and a very restricted lifestyle, I am so much more grateful for the simple things in life! That is why the pain is bittersweet. The bitterness we experience increases our capacity to feel the sweetness in life!

On that note, I just got an email from a dear friend. She told me of all the health, family, mental, financial struggles she is currently experiencing. Hearing her real-life dramas of divorce, infidelity, children making poor choices, and health struggles made me wish I could do more to help her. It also made me more grateful for the simple blessings in my own life. And hopefully someone else out there who is reading my blog and feeling down will be able to recognize similar blessings in their own lives. What are some of the simple things you're thankful for? 

Be Selfish Sometimes

It really is true that we do unto others as we do unto ourselves.Those who first love themselves are able to love others more genuinely. As we honor our own wants and needs, we can do the same for others...Those who truly love themselves--as opposed to being self-centered--can trust, accept, and support others from a [better] place...Make a list of the things you would like to do for yourself, but haven't because you thought it would be too selfish. If you do these things, will your life be richer? Will you be happier?...If you answered yes to...these questions, your life and your relationships will benefit from the infusions of a little selfishness.

Sue Patton Thoele, A Woman's Book of Confidence

This was difficult for me to learn. (Let's be honest, I still struggle with caring for myself first.) But it's all about production management. When I take care of myself, I'm better able to care for others and happier while I'm doing it too! It's important to give yourself the rest that you need and deserve. If you have a day that is particularly painful or difficult, treat yourself to something nice. Find ways to lighten the tremendous load of illness by pampering yourself for a bit.

How do I afford healthy organic food? (Financial Solutions)

If you read the post before this one, I know what you're thinking...eating healthy organic food can be very expensive! But look at it this way--healthy food is a long-term investment. The healthier you eat, the less money you will need to spend later on expensive medications and doctor visits.

1.Don't try to go organic all at once. When you go shopping compare the prices of regular food to organic food. If the difference is only 20 cents, then start there. Gradually add other organic foods into your diet.

2."Shop farmers' markets, or become a member of a CSA (community supported agriculture) farm; in return for a seasonal fee, you'll get a weekly share of the harvest. Visit localharvest.org for CSA options near you." ("6 Ways to Save the World" O magazine)

3. Search the internet for your local grocery store's website. The store will usually post what produce is on sale. Plan your meals around what fruits and veggies are cheap and in season.

How to avoid getting CANCER (healthy goodness)

"The American Cancer Society reports that one in two men and one in three women will develop cancer. Yet, the No.1 risk factor associated with cancer death is diet." (BetterNutrition.com, July 2008) If you already have cancer and are reading the title of the post, you're probably a little bugged right now. I know that most often when people are diagnosed with cancer or other chronic illnesses, it isn't a result of choices that they've made. I lived a very active, healthy life before I became ill. I also know what it's like to try to control every aspect of your environment (what you eat, how much you exercise, etc.) and still be very ill. There is nothing you did to cause your illness. BUT there are prevention steps everyone can take for some cancers, and if you're already sick, this advice will really help your body handle your illness. Better Nutrition.com recommends, based on research, the following...

1. Eat at least 5 servings of vegetables and 2 servings of fruit daily. (For example; fix yourself a big salad on most days of the week. If you have Crohn's disease, IBS, or a similar illness check with your doctor before adding a lot of raw veggies to your diet.)
2. Eat organic whenever possible to avoid harmful preservatives, pesticides, hormones, and other cancer-causing substances; new research also indicates that organic foods have higher nutritive value.
3. Drink more pure water (avoid sodas).
4.Choose essential fatty acids. Take an omega-3 product.

GIVE YOURSELF Some REST (Sleeplessness relief and pain relief)

Whether you're sick or healthy, this post can help you get more Zzzzzzzz's. You deserve it! I haven't had a full nights sleep in four years, so I'm very tired. With my illness, it's almost impossible to sleep through the night because the pain is so relentless and strong. But I have come across some great strategies that really help me sleep a lot better! The first three suggestions come from Dr. Woodson Merrell...

1. Dark Therapy: "Scientists studying the light-melatonin connection have discovered that the blue spectrum of light can disrupt circadian rhythms and keep you awake. Exposure to the blue light late at night--it's emitted by computers, televisions, even digital clocks--can wreak havoc with your body clock. Keep your room pitch-dark at night and cover all digital clock or DVD player readouts." ("Your Best Energy Source--Sound Sleep" O magazine, October 2008)

2. Behavioral Therapy: "Avoid nonsleep activities in bed (watching TV, eating, planning, or problem solving). Try to get up at the same time every morning, [and] don't get attached to unrealistic expectations of sleeping soundly every night." ("Your Best Energy Source--Sound Sleep" O magazine, October 2008) I make my bedroom a relaxing peaceful room, and I save clutter for the other rooms.

3. Acupuncture: "Because research suggests that acupuncture helps balance neurotransmitters, there's a logic for its use in promoting relaxation, which results better quality of sleep. In China acupuncture has been used successfully for thousands of years to treat sleep problems." ("Your Best Energy Source--Sound Sleep" O magazine, October 2008)

4. Routine: Creating a soothing bedtime routine is key. For example; take a shower, listen to calming music, or read a book.

5. Supplements: Health food stores sell natural sleep supplements. I have one called Nutrasleep and it contains natural herbs and vitamins that help you relax. If you need sleep medication, consult with your doctor. My doctor recommends Rozerem because it works with your natural wake-sleep cycle and is less habit-forming.

6. Aromatherapy: I buy a product called Anti-Stress Mind Repair from Earth Therapeutics. It has smells of lavender and chamomile. These aromas have been proven to be calming and are also natural way to relieve headaches.

Sweet dreams!

More free advice from a very sick blogger...

Do you ever feel confused, like your life is flying past you, without a lot of clarity on where it's going? This exerpt from the wonderful book My Grandfather's Blessings by Rachel Naomi Remen, a cancer physician and counselor to chronically ill patients for more than 20 years, offers some insights into life and its randomness...

In 1998 Commonweal, the center at which I work, installed a labyrinth exactly like the one that has been in the cathedral at Chartres since 1300...Walking the labyrinth is deceptive. At the beginning one seems to be heading directly for the center when one is actually farthest away from it...Walking the labyrinth causes you to confront the world of illusion, the difference between our hard-edged perception of how the world works and how the world works. It can be a humbling experience...Could events [in my life] that seemed meaningless, or even wasteful, be taking me to a destination as surely as the twisting and turning path I had just followed? Perhaps my path only seemed random because I was still on it. At the end, from the center, would I someday see life as complete and whole and recognize a hidden direction and pattern that redeemed loss and failure and pain and utterly changed their meaning and value? Often it is only as a life becomes complete that the pattern which it upholds it, its underlying meaning, can become visible. (p.50)